The past always catches up with you
by Dr.SheldonCooperFTW
Summary: A brilliant young, pregnant prodigy gets transferred from the SGC to Atlantis after her boyfriend, Carson Beckett, is killed in an explosion. There she meets all the men from her past. This is my first fan fiction so be gentle :
1. Whore?

"You're pregnant."

I froze as I was on my way out the door.

There had been a bout of food poisoning going on. That's all the throwing up was… Wasn't it?

"What do you mean pregnant?"

"I mean… with child, pregnant, knocked up," she added that last bit as a quip, but she didn't know how right she was. Carson and I weren't married.

We had been dating for three years. A year of it he was in Atlantis (A year and a half working at SGC here, then 6 months there, 6 months here, 6 months there again) and he came back for one day on the Daedalus a few months ago as it brought back crew and picked up supplies. We'd never had sex, but we drove out to a field a few miles away in the middle of Colorado and laid in the back of my truck and… one thing led to another.

I smiled at the memory. But then remembered what happened afterward.

We lay by each other and were discussing our future considering General O'Neill wouldn't let me go with him to Atlantis. We agreed that if we found someone else, then we should feel free to move on and be happy, but we'd each told a mutual friend of ours that we would never break the commitment we made to each other.

I held Carson's dog tags around my neck. Sadly, that was the only thing, other than a few clothes he left behind, that I had to remember him by. And now… a baby.

I already knew how far along I was so without even looking at Dr. Frasier, I walked briskly out of the infirmary and went straight to General O'Neill. Protocols dictate that we have our commanding officer aware of these parts of our lives. I shut the door and turned to him.

"Why, come in, Dr. Walker."

I smirked but I couldn't even think straight. Maybe I should have thought through this more. What was I going to do? Would they let me continue working there? I didn't know what would happen.

"What is it?" He stood up and helped me sit and took the chair next to me, angled slightly. He set a hand on mine and I just started crying.

"I don't even want kids." I started rambling, "Well, I mean I do, but not when I have no one to help me with them. Carson's all the way in another freaking galaxy. How do I even know if he's still alive? I mean…" For about ten minutes, I continued in my typical pessimistic style that made me the cynic I am today.

Jack had finally calmed me down and he promised me that once we got enough power to gate back to Atlantis I would be among the first to go. "And if we ever get the _Prometheus_ up and running with the Asguard hyper drive and weapons, since you are the head of the science team working on it, you guys will have to be on the ship on its maiden voyage to fix any problems that may arise. Now, I can't promise it'll be before your baby comes, but I promise you we will figure this out."

He kissed my forehead and gave me a hug. Since I wasn't officially in the air force, he was technically allowed to do this without him getting in trouble.

Hurrying back to my quarters, I grabbed my cell phone and… just stared at it. My dad is a big time government official of the IOA, so he was always busy and was never interested in me or my life anyway and, frankly, I had no idea where he was. I hadn't heard from him in a few years and hadn't seen him in almost triple that and I was fine with that. Mom died four years prior and I barely knew her as well. To tell the truth, I spent most of my time burying my head in my MIT and Berkley textbooks to barely have a personal life.

I'd only had two lovers in my life, one almost 7 years older who took me in my 20 year old prime and then disappeared to do some secret government work. I'd always tried to find out where he went, but was never successful. Even if he'd been recruited to the Stargate program like I had, almost 600 people worked at each of the Stargate Commands in the U.S. and Russia, so it would be almost impossible to find him. Then there was Carson, who was in Pegasus.

I guess there were Carson's parents, but they wouldn't believe that Carson would stay "overseas" and not be here to take care of his baby… and the fact that he got me pregnant out of wedlock.

I really had no other friends to tell the news to except people at Stargate Command that I'd worked next to for the longest time.

"Hey Daniel!" I noticed he walked by my open quarters at that exact moment.

"Hey, how are you? I noticed you leave the infirmary earlier."

Smiling, I invited him to sit. "I really have no one else to tell this to. Well, you know the bout of food poisoning that went on a few weeks ago?"

Daniel crinkled his nose. Of course he did, he was the one who had gotten it three times, an SGC record.

"Well, I started throwing up a few days ago and I thought that was it, but it wasn't."

Daniel cracked a smile.

"How do you know already?" I pouted. I hated that he was always smarter than me.

"Carson just left two months ago and that's about when morning sickness starts. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, well, I mean, I just did, but…"

"Oh, hush." I grabbed his arm and pulled him up and wrapped my arms around him. "Just tell me 'Congratulations' and leave it at that."

"Congratulations. I'm happy for you." He squeezed me so hard I just kept smiling. He sighed as he let me go. "So what does this mean?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, are you going to Atlantis the first chance you get?"

I nodded, smiling.

"Did you clear it with Jack?"

"Of course."

"Dammit."

"What?"

Daniel ran a hand through his hair. "Apparently to make it to Atlantis all I have to do is get pregnant."

I shook my head, "He'd still make you stay."

He sighed heavily again and sat back down on his bed. "You have no idea how hard this is for me. I know Ancient; I was ascended and even met some of the Ancients; I have the gene; I am the foremost expert on all things… Well, pretty much just all things." He gave me a slight smirk, "I can help translate to everyone who is there because there are so many people who don't speak each others' language. I've been reading every tale of Atlantis I could get my hands on in 26 different languages since the age of 4."

"And you've been to every planet that we can access here in the Milky Way and now the Goa'uld has lost significant power and you want that adrenaline rush again."

"Did one of your Master's have to be in Psychology?"

"Actually I just got a Bachelor's in Psych. My Master's are in Quantum Theory and Astrophysics."

"Psht and it only took you five years to get that."

"Well, I'm sorry I started at 15 and not 13 like you did."

He leaned his shoulder into mine and pushed me slightly.

After a few minutes more, I turned to a more serious note. "You know, you're not the only one in this room who is way too overqualified to be here still stuck in Bumfuck, Colorado."

"Actually I think it's Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado."

I thought he was joking, but he'd honestly never heard that phrase before.

I smiled again.

"I think I've seen you smile more times today than pretty much any other time. I'd say you're pretty happy about this baby."

Nodding, I stated, "I always wanted kids. Granted, I didn't really want any for a while and I kinda hoped the father would be in this galaxy when the baby was born, but I guess I'll take what I can get."

The moment got serious again and knowing what an amazing guy and friend Daniel was I knew what he would say next, and you probably can too.

"I know it's no consolation, but Jack's pretty much going to keep me on this planet, so if you ever need anyone to… I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying."

"No, no, no. I completely understand hun. And thank you. That's incredibly sweet of you, but you don't have to say that." I gave him a sympathetic face. And he kissed that face.

I didn't back away at first, but I didn't participate, either. I turned my head away and could feel myself blushing and ready to cry at the same time.

I didn't even give him a chance to explain or speak. I just stood up and ran out. What kind of whore am I? I find out I'm pregnant and no less than an hour later, I'm crushing on someone else and letting him kiss me like that.


	2. The News

In my lab, I continue research on some ancient device discovered on MX3-777. It was boring work, but I just did it to pass the time between the weeks when I worked on the ship. I knew that at around 5 months or so, Jack would put me back in a lab so I could avoid doing hard labor or just leave me to doing computer programming for the ship.

This was not going to be easy.

"I think that's it."

"What?"

"We're done."

"Seriously?"

Dr. Lee nodded and checked the crystal trays. "Yeah, the hyperdrive, the Asguard beam, life support."

A smile spread across my face. "Can I tell Jack?"

I ran all the way to his office, and knocked quickly on the door.

"Come in," General O'Neill stood up and shook my hand.

"We're done."

"The _Prometheus_?"

"Yes."

"Wow. In three months… that's… wonderful." His expression worried me.

"What's wrong?"

"I was just about to come and get you. I got some news from Atlantis…" He pulled out a chair. "Here, sit down."

Oh God….

"There was an explosion at Atlantis."

My hands went straight to either side of my stomach, as if I could stop my embryo from hearing this news.

"Carson is… I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but… he was killed in the explosion."

My mind froze. "Wh… When?"

"Yesterday.

My hands started to shake. I tried to keep calm but it didn't work. "Why?" I shook my head. "If I had just finished—"

"No, no, no. Don't think that way."

"How can I not? It's true."

After a few minutes, he started to tell me how it happened, but I couldn't listen. I was in shock. It felt like I was being stripped of my feelings or emotions. I couldn't be excited about going to Atlantis anymore. I almost didn't want to go.

I ran out of Jack's office, not even listening when all he was trying to do was comfort me. It wasn't fair to him but I honestly just could not handle this. Apparently his body was almost burned beyond recognition but they recognized my dog tags around his neck.

I ended up lying in my quarters and cried for what seemed like weeks. Every day, most of the time twice a day, Daniel would bring me my lunch in bed, but most of the time I didn't eat it.

After a while, I started running out of tears and this mostly just made me angry. I wanted to be able to show my emotions and I loved Carson so much that I felt like I needed to cry for years, not to get over him, but more just because he deserved it for how wonderful he was.

About a week later, Dr. Frasier came and checked on the baby and at that point in my grief I wouldn't speak to anyone. I'd nod or shrug but nothing else.

Jack came by as Frasier was prepping me for a sonogram. "Ready to go to Atlantis?"

I shrugged. I just felt weak knowing that my Carson wasn't out there and that my son would never know his real father. I wasn't seeing how I was going to be able to function with that information going through my head. Daniel came in as well and I knew how hard he was trying to comfort me and that it wasn't working the way he wanted it to. That made me sad again and I could feel myself about to cry. I hated how stupid and sentimental I had become. I had been a strong person, however, now all people did was look at me with a face that only suggested they pitied me, but not Daniel. He was scared.

"Ok, now this is going to be a little cold."

I nodded and as she put the gel on my stomach, I felt Daniel grab my hand and he took a deep breath as he stared intently at the screen. I smiled slightly, just glad to know that he was here and that he would take care of me if I needed it. I squeezed his hand slightly and the image came upon the screen of my baby. I started to cry. He was so beautiful. And so small.

She turned up the speakers and I heard this whirring sound that I realized was my baby's heart beating. "Is it supposed to be that fast?" Daniel said, panicky.

I smiled and Dr. Frasier did too. "Yes, babies always have much faster heart rates because of the small area that the blood has to flow through."

When Dr. Frasier gave me a clean bill of health for Atlantis, Jack handed me some papers for me to fill out before I could go and after that, it was official. I was off to Atlantis. I was to leave early the next morning.

I packed up all the research from my lab and as I wobbled to my room, I found that Daniel was sitting there, waiting for me.

We sat there and stared at each other for a pretty long time and finally I sighed, dropped my purse and just gave him a gesture saying, "Explain yourself, what are you doing here?"

"Nothing. He shrugged.

I sat next to him and we just sat there for a while once again.

"What do you want?"

Daniel jumped, since I hadn't talked in almost a week.

"I just want to know that you're OK."

It was my turn to shrug.

"Please talk to me."

The baby started to kick and I winced in pain.

"What is it?"

The look in his eyes as he looked straight into mine was very exhilarating and made me more excited than I thought it would.

"Babe…?"

I grabbed his hand and set it on my stomach.

"Wow…" he smiled.

To make it more interesting I pulled my shirt up enough so that my perfect round stomach was sticking out from under it.

His face lit up and he moved in front of me so he was kneeling. It felt a little weird, but I had never really been through this and wanted to see what kind of a person Daniel was. He put one hand on each side of my stomach and moved his ear up to it to hear well. It was a very intimate moment, and, as much as I very much wanted to turn it into something a whole lot more, I resisted the urge to make the first move, trying to think about Carson and my commitment to him.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, forcing back the tears.

"You can't come with me?"

Daniel looked up, really shocked, either because I hadn't spoken in a week or because I hadn't ever expressed that I wanted him to be around me like I just had.

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged and fell back into my no-talking mode. I laid down on my bed and prepared myself for the amazing place I was going to be the next day.


	3. My Radek

Well, the trip got put off for a little longer than we thought it would. I had to wait about two more months, which meant that I would most likely be in labor on the ship.

Daniel had given the doctor on the ship a good stern talking-to about everything to make sure that I would be safe. This made me laugh and though I should have admitted to Daniel my growing adoration for him sooner than the moment before I left, but apparently there is something extremely romantic about the "last moment" because that's always when life-changing things happen.

I was awkwardly trying to give Daniel a hug. I'd been a bit more talkative but still nothing like I was before and so it was very quiet and very weird with my huge stomach. I was just over 8 and a half months, so I was pretty big. But it was a happy, healthy baby boy (still unsure of a name at that point, though).

He rubbed my arms and I sat down on the seat to prepare for being transported and literally almost seconds before, Daniel gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer to me and kissed him. Really quickly, nothing major, just a friendly kiss, but it left us staring into each others' eyes, even as I was being transported, left miles above the atmosphere and staring into the eyes of none other than…

"RADEK?" I full on gasped and swear I was about to pass out.

He smiled, seeming unfazed by my baby bump and gave me a big hug and once again I was left speechless.

"What are you doing here?"

I was still sitting, so he joined me on the bench. "I was transferred to the Stargate Program in Russia, they needed an astrophysicist and I got to be closer to my family. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you."

I blushed. "They didn't tell me anything about you. I tried to find you but…"

I was so incredibly happy to see him.

"God, I missed you." He spoke in Czech, his native language.

I replied back in that language, "I think about you all the time."

"Me too."

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his neck and he put one arm around my waist and another under my legs, swinging them above his, allowing me to rest on his shoulder.

The ship entered hyperspace and a technician brought me over the pad with the diagnostics of the system. I detached myself from Radek and checked over all the Asguard systems and Naquadah generators on the ship. He helped me out and had to correct a few of my mistakes. "Sorry. I'm a bit distracted." Blushing more.

"Well, we'll have two weeks for distractions, my dear." He said that as he went around me to check something out and I smiled like an idiot.

That night I didn't go to my quarters, or any other night for that matter. Radek and I were glued to each other and everyone knew. They were all really surprised that Radek didn't care about my being pregnant, but it seemed like they all understood that he really did care for me and not just he felt obligated to take care of me, as I sort of felt about Daniel.

About one day before our planned arrival, we encountered a Wraith cruiser. They were much smaller than us and were heavily damaged from battle and we took the opportunity to take them out, but they went down fighting, leaving our hyperdrive offline.

"Can you get us back?" Colonel Caldwell asked from his throne, er… captain's chair.

"Maybe, if I can get Radek and a few other technicians to help me."

"No way, we've had hull breaches in the forward sections and they are working on helping us with that."

"Then it might take a few days. But luckily, we're only three weeks out, so if we need to, we can make the necessary adjustments to the sublight engines."

"Do it."

I turned to leave and that's when it happened… My water broke.

"Quick, get Dr. Wyman."

"Radek." I mumbled.

"Fine." Colonel Caldwell asked for him too and the first pains hit me. I screamed. A few grunts from security led me to the infirmary and Radek came in a few minutes later, panicky and held my hand, whispering lullabies to me in Czech. I was a sucker for foreign accents and he knew this and used this to calm me down.

After a few more painful minutes, the doctor said I was ready.

Thank God! I didn't have to go through 56 hours or something equally ridiculous.

I squeezed Radek's hand and pushed, all natural too. The doctor didn't have any sedatives for me that would be safe for the baby. The pain was unbelievable but hearing that first cry and seeing Radek smiling and looking so happy made everything so worth it.

After they cleaned him off and got me into a separate room and my stuff all taken care of (Messy details left out… you're welcome). Radek came in when they were done and the beds were huge enough that I was able to scoot over and he fit right next to me. "Perfect fit." He whispered, and then wrapped his hand in mine.

I smiled and set my forehead against his. He lifted up his head, which lifted mine with it and our lips touched. The door opened at that exact moment and Dr. Wyman, after sheepishly apologizing, let me hold my baby for the first time.

He had big blue eyes and cute ginger hair, just like his daddy and he had this gorgeous face.

Radek put one arm around me and the other one stroking the baby's hair.

"Have you two decided on a name?"

I didn't even bother to correct him and neither did Radek.

"Can you give us a few moments?"

"Of course," and with that, the doctor left.

"I really want to name him Carson."

Radek put his mouth up to my ear and said, "Carson Zalenka?"

I snorted, "No, silly, he'd have my last name."

"Exactly. That's what I meant."

He set something in front of me, resting on the baby's stomach. A ring.

My breath caught.

"Natalya Walker, I love you more than anyone or anything in the world. You have kept me warm at night in the cold winter nights of Russia. You remember that one picture of you I took on my phone? Well, that was the only picture I ever got of you and I never got rid of that phone only for that reason. You're the best friend I ever had and one of the brightest, sweetest people, probably on the face of the… galaxy. You are so special and I want to keep it that way for the rest of our lives. Will you do the honor of being my bride?"

So many thoughts. Waiting is always best. It's been five years since we even talked last and then he comes in, being all suave and gorgeous, in his own, cute, mad scientist kind of way.

Looking down at Baby Carson, I thought more about it.

"Radek Lee Zalenka, it would be stupid of me to reject such a proposal as the one you have just given me, but…"

His face fell and I jumped, "No, no, no. Let me explain. I'm not saying no."

He smiled.

"Listen." I said sternly. "I'm trying to be romantic goddammit!" I took Baby Carson and set him in the crib by the bed. He was being quiet and smiley and I knew that was going to be rare.

"Ok."

I switched to Czech for the rest of the conversation. I turned to him and sat down on the bed.

"Baby, I love you." I smiled and suddenly I got the courage and knew exactly what to say. "I'm sorry I never said it those 3 years and 4 months we knew were together, but I do. Always have. I know you're like nine years older than me and have always thought about me and I've always thought of you, as well. You were my first… everything, really, and I never have forgotten that. I know you could have gotten into serious trouble if the school board ever found out about us, you would have lost your license and neither of us would be in the situation we are in today, but none of that mattered. It was… just us. No one else knew in our hearts what we knew; knew how much we loved each other, how much we made each other so incredibly happy."

I handed him the ring and held out my hand.

"Oh, I see how it is." He slipped the beautiful, yet elegant ring on my finger and said, "Will you marry me?"

"Hell yes," I threw my arms around him and kissed him once more. His hands went to the sides of my face as he pulled me in for even closer.

I broke off the kiss before we got too into it and brought Carson back into the bed. I leaned my back against Zalenka's head and couldn't get over how comfy he was.

"Carson Beckett Zalenka?"

I shook my head.

"What, then?"

"Carson William Beckett-Walker."

"William?"

"It's Carson's middle name, and his father's name and his grandfather's name."

"Oh, well that's sweet."

I looked up at Radek and asked, "It doesn't bother you?"

"What doesn't?"

"That I named him after my former boyfriend."

He shook his head, "Of course not, sweetie. I know I'll never be able to replace Carson, but I know I can ease your pain and hopefully have a lot of fun and sex along the way."

"Fuck yes." I blushed and gave him a quick kiss again.


	4. Do you just know everybody here?

One of Dr. Wyman's nurses came in and I filled out the birth certificate then she made Zalenka leave the room to give me a lesson in breast feeding.

Colonel Caldwell was my next visitor, but it was only to see if I was going to start working on the hyperdrive.

"If you can find someone to watch over Carson while I'm working, I would be more than happy to start as soon as possible."

"Well, lucky for you we have the perfect candidate."

Colonel Caldwell's daughter was a botanist and on her way to Atlantis to study plants on the mainland, so she had no official job on the ship. After interrogating her for hours, I found she was competent enough to sit twenty feet away from me and watch Baby Carson as I worked.

Radek and I were off to fixing the hyperdrive, but since Carson was born, and we'd found someone who I was paying great money to in order to watch him, we had a bit more time to ourselves if you know what I mean.

The sexual tension had been released and now it was just flowing out of us like crazy. (ew… no pun intended).

Kathy, the Colonel's daughter, said that she loved watching the two of us try to work around each other when we would reach out and touch each others' hands and put hands on each others' waists and swivel in order to get around one another.

She and I became good friends. After I got the hyperdrive working she still agreed to watch Carson a few hours a day if we needed time to ourselves because she knew how important that was to couples and she had seen many relationships fail because of that reason in the few years where she minored in couple's counseling and psychology.

"Thank you so much for that. I might take you up on it. I'm sure Carson would love being around the plants all the time. His father loved that so much."

Kathy started playing with her hands, "I've been meaning to ask you, but I'm kinda nervous to."

I nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "You want to know what Carson was like. Before he died."

She nodded, "If you don't mind."

"Not at all. I mean, I'm completely sad that he's not around, but it's not like I'm never gonna talk about him. I'm so proud to have ever called him mine."

She started smiling, "Yeah, I know what you mean. I lost someone like that."

"Aw, I'm sorry."

She paused for a few moments, shook the memory away and said, "Well, let's just save that for another day. Tell me about your Carson."

My turn to smile like an idiot, "Well, he was Scottish."

"Oooh." Kathy said and we both started laughing.

"Oh, I know, I'm a sucker for accents.

"Me too, even listening to Rodney gets me a little bit." She laughed.

"Rodney?"

"McKay."

"RODNEY MCKAY is in Atlantis?"

"Of course, I thought everyone knew that."

"He's in the Stargate program?"

"Yeah," she shrugged. "He worked in conjunction with the Russian program, but was a consultant many times with the American one."

"Man, everyone worked with Russia."

"Because no one liked the politics and crap in the American government."

"Hmm… I thought it was fine."

She snorted.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look at you huney. Of course it didn't touch you. You're young, gorgeous and a child prodigy."

Carson started crying and so it was time for another feeding. I used that time to think back on my career there and started to see some things that were consistent with her observations. I was recruited over someone else who I know was more experienced than me but I thought it was just a lucky break. And during school I was always top of my class and so young that I thought that was why my professors always chose me for the top research grants and that I was chosen for all the best projects and to use the equipment.

Then again, maybe I was overreacting… I am a genius and very good at everything I do so that is probably why all that happened for me. I do over think things sometimes.

That night, we were about five hours from Atlantis and I moved Carson's crib up to the edge of my bed and just stared at him as he slept. I thought of all the wonders that he would see and all that he wouldn't at the same time. I hoped that I would get to show him the world. The world his parents were from.

That thought got me crying again. I realized I hadn't cried over Carson in almost two months. In fact, with the baby and with Zalenka, I'd been very distracted and there were few days when I hadn't thought of him. Even seeing baby Carson, I had images of Zalenka playing with him and not his actual father.

I pulled out my suitcase and grabbed the little jewelry box from the corner of it. I took out his dog tags that rested on the bottom and for the first time, since I got the horrible news, I put them on.

Another thing was in the jewelry box. A small wrapped box about the size of the box a wedding ring comes in. I didn't even want to think about it.

"What's that, hun?"

I jumped and the box fell to the floor and ended up under the bed. I grabbed my chest. "Please don't scare me like that anymore."

Zalenka bit his lip, embarrassed. I looked over at Carson to make sure he was asleep and before I knew it, Zalenka had gone under the bed and grabbed the box. He shook it. "What is this?"

I grabbed it away from him and put it back in the box.

I rubbed my eyes.

"Sweetie, if you need anything, I am here for you."

"Shower."

He smiled.

"Alone," I rolled my eyes and kissed him.

"Watch him for me."

Nodding, he kissed my neck.

"OK, sweetie."

I stripped off my clothes as I was walking in the bathroom, looking back at him.

He smiled, "I hate you."


	5. He has kids?

* Zalenka's Point of View*

Underneath the box she set down was a card.

The flap was tucked under and curiosity got the best of me.

I opened it up.

"Darling,

I never thought that marriage was in the answer in life. I always thought it was better to just be with a person, and the only commitment is to each other and not with a ring and a piece of paper, but with just our love. That is until I met you. The love of my life, my soul mate. This ring belonged to my great grandmother and when I was 18 she gave it to me on my death bed. I left it in a box because I never thought I use it but today, this Christmas Day that I hope I am sitting by you when you open this on.

I love you lots and hope to see you again.

P.S. With this ring, I do wed.

Your love,

**Carson William Beckett"**

*End Zalenka's Point of View *

"What are you doing?" I wrapped the towel around me quickly and grabbed the card and box from Zalenka and put it back in my suitcase.

I slapped him; rage and hurt taking over. "Get Out!" I stared at the box as he turned to leave. I couldn't even look at him.

"Sweetie, I just…"

I started to cry and he knew I was serious. He walked out and left me. I buried my head in my pillow and screamed to calm myself down. It wasn't that I was actually that angry, I only wanted to cool off. I guess I had fallen asleep because Colonel Caldwell had come into my room and woke me up.

"Natalya?"

I jerked up.

"Are we there?"

"Yes," he smiled.

My fight with Zalenka slipped out of my mind and I went out into the new world I was in. The tallest buildings, the most beautiful architecture; the ancient writing all around, this new civilization we'd discovered just brilliant.

I carried baby Carson in his carrier all around as we both explored the city and I got acquainted with my old colleagues from Berkley and the SGC. I ran into Dr. Kavanaugh, who was a brilliant mind I worked beside at the SGC until he was requested to transfer to Atlantis at the same time as Carson.

I gasped when I saw him and he smiled widely when he saw me. I carefully set down Carson and wrapped my arms around Kavanaugh.

"Natalya, wow… It's so great to see you."

"You too, Kavanaugh."

We smiled, like two little kids, both of us reminiscing over the memories late at night in our astrophysics classes when we bonded more than most. We never had a sexual attraction, well, one that was evident to anyone else, but we both knew how we felt about each other, but we always managed to have someone else we were interested in.

"Is this…?" He knelt down in front of Carson.

I nodded and unbuckled him from the seat. "Carson William Beckett Jr."

I'd never added the junior before and I completely forgot my last name was at the end of it, as well, but at that time, I didn't care. He was Carson's child and I was proud to let everyone know.

"Wow… he's so beautiful."

I weakly smiled and looked over at the end of the hallway. I had just noticed that there were workers painting the hallway. "Is this the base of the tower?"

Kavanaugh nodded slowly.

"Oh my God." I knelt down and touched the floor. "This is where he died…"

The crying I hadn't done in a few months came back and Kavanaugh helped me to my quarters and stayed with me, holding Carson and changing him all the while I mourned.

"Look, hun, I can do that."

He shook his head, "No, you need to do this. It's healthy."

I sat down next to him on the bed where he was changing Carson. "I'm fine really."

He pushed his glasses back up as he looked at me, "Are you sure?"

"Positive." I flicked the ponytail he had that was resting on his shoulder.

He smiled. We'd always done this as a joke. Now was the time he'd grab my shoulders and bite my earlobe. I never knew how it started and looking back now it seemed really dumb.

He did that and instead of laughing as I usually do, I sort of moaned.

"Oh really?" He lifted an eyebrow at me.

"No, sorry." I stood up and grabbed Baby Carson and put him back in his carrier.

"Oh, well, you know, I'm here if you—"

I cut him off with a sharp glare.

"Sorry." He walked back out and headed back to his research.

And that was how our relationship always was. He hit on me, I said no and he was fine with it. It didn't prevent him from trying again, however, and I didn't stop him from trying.

I smiled and headed back out towards the top of the Central tower. I got into an elevator, pressed the Central tower on the screen; there was a flash of light and when the doors opened I was in a different section of the city. A handsome man in spiky black hair was there to greet me. "It's a teleporter?"

He smiled, "You must be Dr. Walker. And this… Wow…" He caught a look at Carson.

"You want to hold him?"

He nodded, "Please."

I set the carrier down and put him in the arms of Colonel John Sheppard. The military commander and most experienced tactical expedition leader in all of Atlantis. At least that's how he introduced himself to me a second later.

"Modesty is a very important quality in a leader, glad to see that's still around." I laughed.

"Dr. Walker?"

I looked at the man who just said my name and cocked my head slightly, "Do I know you?"

He half-smiled. "No, well, you do but I've never had the pleasure of meeting you in person."

"And who are—"

"When Carson told me who he was seeing, I couldn't believe it. Frankly, I didn't think you would ever get recruited. I thought you would have turned them down. I mean, you seemed like more of a glory hound than me."

Sheppard snorted, "Like that's possible."

"And you are more beautiful than…"

"Can I please say something?"

He put his hands behind his back and seemed like he bowed his head at me, "Of course."

"Ok, thank you. Now, who are you exactly?"

He smirked, "Dr. McKay, of course."

My jaw dropped, "RODNEY?"

"The one and only."

I looked at the Canadian flag on his arm and it clicked. "Oh my god, yes, I … of course I know you. We exchanged emails back and forth while I was still in grad school."

He smiled smugly again, "Yes, well, how could one forget such a brilliant mind such as yours. I never expected you to be so young, however."

"Thanks—"

McKay noticed the baby Sheppard was holding.

"Oh my god, is this…?"

I nodded, "Carson William Beckett Jr." I think I loved saying that too much.

As Sheppard let McKay hold him and he smiled at him, Zalenka came in from the teleporter. I rolled my eyes.

"Natalya… please."

I walked down the stairs, away from him, not real sure of where I was going.

We switched to Czech, so no one would understand us. "Look, I'm sorry for looking at your things ok? I just wanted to…"

"What? What did you want to know? My private life that I didn't want anyone else to know about?"

We were standing in front of the gate now and everyone was staring but I didn't care.

"No, I just…"

"What is it? What possible reason—"

"You just have him up on this pedestal that I can't seem to come close to. I'm jealous of him, and I wanted to see what you two had, because it's what I want with you. I love you, dammit."

I smiled at that last part. "Oh hun, I know how I've been treating you and I'm sorry. I just miss him so much and I guess I just am not over him completely. I don't know if I ever will be."

Zalenka hung his head slightly.

"But that doesn't mean I don't want to enjoy this time with you or that I want to pine over him for the rest of my life."

We smiled and I felt like kissing him, but a familiar voice yelled down, "So I'm guessing you two have met."

I looked up and for the ninth time in the past few months, I got the shock of a lifetime.

"Richard?"

"When did you become so old-fashioned?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" I glared at him as I walked up the stairs, slowly.

Sheppard grabbed my arm gently, "Hey, don't talk to the leader of the base that way."

I scoffed, "You're the IOA agent they sent here?"

"My office, now." Richard Woolsey tightened his fists and walked into his office and sat at his desk.

"Do you know who you're talking to? He's pretty much the most powerful man on Earth now, I'd be careful."

I looked hard into Sheppard's eyes and said, "He's my father."

Ignoring the looks of disbelief and the iciness in the room, I looked at McKay and said, "Watch Carson for me."

"He has kids?" I heard McKay whisper as I was leaving.


	6. They grow up fast

Sorry this chapter is so short, but don't worry, I make up for it in the next one.

...

I stood just inside Woolsey's door.

"Sit down."

I shut the door but stayed standing.

"You couldn't respect me when you were a kid and you still can't now." He shook his head at me in disgust. I went behind his desk and opened up the top right drawer, where he always kept his booze.

There was a bottle of bourbon there and I pulled it out and slammed it hard on this desk in front of him. "Back on the wagon I see."

"That is none of your business."

"No, DAD," I sent in contempt. "The last time I saw you, I was 16 and you said you were going to quit and I've talked to you a few times since then and you said you were getting help."

He slammed his hand on the desk and stood up and screamed, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I GO THROUGH HERE! It's a wonder I only have one bottle of booze in my desk. And you have no right to judge me. You're just the kid who was always smarter than everyone else. What do you know about life? About hard times?"

I backed away from him, afraid I was going to be hit, but I quickly found my stride.

"You don't even know me at all. You didn't know I was in the Stargate program did you?"

"Well, no, but I was…"

I shook my head and he stopped, "Did you even know that I was almost engaged?"

He froze and just stared at me.

"That I lost my virginity to my professor at Berkeley." Now I couldn't believe I was telling him this, but it felt good that he was looking at me like I was an adult. "That I… oh yeah, lost my almost fiancé in that explosion a few months ago."

"C… Carson?"

I smirked, "Didn't think so. And I guess that means that you didn't even know that that baby McKay is holding is my son… Carson's son… And your grandchild."

Richard Woolsey just stood there, not believing anything he was hearing.

"I do have a right to judge you. Because now that I am starting a family I know that what you did was worse than I ever imagined it was." I turned my back on him before he could respond and went into the room of the people staring at me, who had just told off their boss, and were shocked I wasn't fired.

"Come here, sweetie," I smiled at McKay and took Carson from him. "Sheppard, it was very nice meeting you."

"Yeah, you too." He said, still shocked.

Zalenka slipped into the transporter with me and we went to my quarters. We set Carson in his crib and watched him fall asleep. Kathy, staying in the quarters next to me, agreed to watch him for a few hours as Zalenka took me to the lab I'd be working in and introduce me to the team I'd be working with.

The lab was fabulous. Mass Spectrometers that worked instantly. Microscopes that were almost too high powered and there were about thirty computers in this 2,000 square foot space that were integrated with the Ancient technology. Drs. Kavanaugh and McKay were arguing over some equation on the board when I came into the room.

"Do they always do this?"

Zalenka nodded.

"How does it get solved?"

Zalenka shrugged, "I don't think it ever does."

I stood between the two and they both fell silent. I stared at the equation and grabbed the marker from the board. I then took about ten minutes explaining why both of them were wrong.

"Is Woolsey really your father?" Kavanaugh interrupted when I was near the end of my rant.

I nodded, "Yeah, he is." I laughed, "The man was an abusive drunk. How he ever made it to this position will always be a mystery to me."

"Abusive?"

"Yeah, he loved hitting me." I snorted, trying to keep in mind that while I may have come to grips with my past and can deal with it, not many other people can.

Kavanaugh stared back at me with this pitiful look on his face and I just rolled my eyes and left the room. I hated when people started to pity me.


	7. The Past Revealed

I went back to my room and Kathy and I continued to share stories from our lives as we played with Carson and watched him.

"You seem to be involved with a lot of guys here on this base."

We both laughed and it was funny to me because it was true; Woolsey (involved differently than any of the other ones, though), Rodney, Zalenka, Carson and Kavanaugh. The last three being the only guys that I've ever been with in a serious or intimate way.

"Let's start at the beginning. So tell me how you and Zalenka met." she smiled widely. You could tell she loved hearing this kind of stuff.

She was so naïve if she thought that of the four guys I have ever been interested in that Zalenka was the first, but I told her this in that order anyway. I blushed and bit my lip. "Well, there was four years when we weren't really interested in each other. Mostly because I was 14 and he was 22."

In my head I said, 'But there was a boy my age who was working alongside me for those four years and we sort of dabbled in a relationship until he ditched me like every guy I like seems to do."

She laughed. "That would put a damper in the relationship. So when did you two first… have a moment?"

I smiled at that terminology because that's exactly what it was. "Well, I had just gotten my second Doctorate finished and Zalenka and I were both finishing up our dissertations to make the Doctorates official. His was in Astrophysics and mine in Theoretical Physics." I shook my head, "You don't care."

"Ha ha, actually, no, I don't mind."

"Anyway, well, I was so tired and it was midnight and coffee stopped working and the dissertation was due the next day. I felt like I couldn't stay awake at all. Zalenka was sitting next to me and saw I was falling asleep and shook me awake but I wouldn't open my eyes, so he kissed me. THAT sure woke me up."

"Aw, well, what happened?"

Still blushing, I continued, "Well, he kissed me and I wasn't really sure what happened at first, but when he noticed I wasn't kissing back, he pulled back and started apologizing. He thought he was going to get fired and was just trying to get me to forget it happened. I put on a straight face and said that I couldn't do that. He got this cute little worried look on his face and asked why and I just responded with another kiss.

I didn't let it get any further and just continued to work on my paper and once I finished it, I gave him an awkward hug and then left. After that, we acted as if nothing happened until my 18th birthday—"

"Wait, you were 17 when that happened?" Her jaw dropped and she started laughing, "God, I wish exciting things like that happened when I was 17."

"Anyways, back to my 18th birthday. I had this huge party at my house and most of it was my college classmates who were also young prodigies, though not as amazing as myself, but a few people who came were my professors. There was drinking and loud music and the best part was that I had stolen my dads key to his house so it was in his glass mansion overlooking a cliff with a giant pool in the back."

"You broke into Woolsey's house?"

I grinned, "Yup. And so I left the mess too. Anyway, well, no one was really paying attention to me and all my gifts were lame and I was upset because Zalenka hadn't shown up yet. So I left the party, which had then became a pool party, where most people just stripped down and started swimming and that wasn't all that appealing to me. Actually, I was pissed at my dad so I kinda liked that there were drunken half-naked people all over the back yard.

Well, so I'm sitting on the steps in the Grand Foyer and the doorbell rings. I jump like 7 steps and open the door and there he is. He has a small box in his hands and I wrap my arms around his neck. He kind of stumbles but he hugs me back and I am just in his arms and I start to cry.

I just realized that in his arms was the only place I wanted to be that night. I told him this and he looks around to make sure no one was watching. He said that we couldn't date because he was my teacher. I said I didn't care. He said that I was 18 and he was 26. I said I didn't care. He mentioned something else and I told him I didn't care about anything except him. We kiss again, passionately and for a very long time. I tried taking his hand that was on my neck and sliding it down…er… you know." I coughed.

"Well, he jerked his hand back and said that we should take it slow and God, I just fell in love with him even more then. He handed me a box. 'Happy Birthday' he said. I opened it and," I bit my lip and pulled the necklace out of my shirt, where it was tucked into.

"Oh my God, he bought you this?"

"Well, sort of, he knew a guy down in the Engineering department and he made it for Zalenka."

"These are real diamonds!" She gaped.

"Yeah, I know."

"A LOT of diamonds."

I nodded. "Yes, I am aware as to the make up of this necklace. I had it looked at the next day. The guy said it was worth like a lot of money."

"How much?"

I looked ashamed, I'm not sure why, I just never felt that I deserved such a gift."

"About 20,000 dollars."

Kathy froze. "He had some guy make you a 20,000 dollar necklace?"

"They were good friends and the guy knew how much I meant to him and he had extra materials left over that he could just say were used in the experiment he was doing. It was perfect."

"Holy shit… What happened to you two? I mean, where did Carson come into all this."

At the mention of his name, Carson Jr. seemed to get quiet, stopping his cooing from the previous hour and listen to me. I smiled down at him and rubbed his little head.

"Well, Zalenka and I saw each other for a few years actually. We mostly would just stay at my place and sip wine and watch movies and, since one of the languages I didn't know (which I know a lot), was Czech, he taught it to me and after the first year we started to only speak to each other in it. Partly for me to learn and also because he missed being able to speak in his native tongue.

One day, though, when we had a date planned he cancelled and then I didn't hear from him for six months. I was freaking out. He didn't tell me anything, no one knew where he had gone, I tried getting a hold of him in any way that I could, short of actually flying to his parents' house. I was so distraught, I almost didn't get my third degree and my grades started to slip. I had two months left before my 22nd birthday and three before my dissertation for my third doctorate was due.

And then he showed up. At my door one day. Just rang the doorbell and there he was. I screamed, I cried, I broke things. He wouldn't tell me what had happened but only that it was Top Secret and nothing more. He had to leave again and he wasn't sure he'd be able to come back. I cried hard in his arms and he tried comforting me. 'I don't want you to leave.' 'Please don't leave me.' I begged him to stay or at least tell me what it was he was doing or where he was going. He looked so sad that he couldn't tell me. He knew he had broken my heart and was so ashamed of what he did.

And then he did what all girls wish guys would do in a situation like that."

Kathy's eyes got wide, "What?"

I was starting to enjoy telling this story.

"I had sex with her."

I frantically turned around to the familiar voice and Kathy jumped, shocked she didn't notice him before. Zalenka came and sat next to me, reached out his finger for Carson to grab and he smiled so wide as Carson bit him.

"So you just let him do that to you, even though you knew you'd probably never see him again?"

I nodded and laid my head on Zalenka's shoulder briefly before continuing.

"Well, after that, I had the confidence to finish out the rest of my schooling and I started to look for a job when I was approached on the street by a stunningly neat soldier. I stopped right there and the friends I was with were scared, wondering what I did wrong. He asked me to come with him and he put me on a plane to Colorado. No one would tell me anything until I landed and a sharp dressed General came to me and introduced himself as General Jack O'Neill and before he told me anything else, he handed me a non-disclosure agreement and I signed it and almost instantly, the Daedalus beamed us aboard and yeah, that's pretty much how they break the news to people. Let them see the Earth from 80 atmospheres above it. Real efficient."

"Hey, it gets the message across." Zalenka smiled.

I nodded, "So I was beamed up there and after I had gotten briefed over the Atlantis situation and the aliens and all the usual stuff, I was told that they wanted me as a part of their research team and I would be given highest security clearance and a shitload of money. Who wouldn't take that deal? I had a few weeks to read up on mission reports from Earth base, but we hadn't gotten the Atlantis mission reports yet, so I had no way of knowing who was there. I mean, if I had known the caliber of people who were in Atlantis then I would have pushed so much harder to go there."

Zalenka reached over and grabbed my hand. "And I didn't even know they had recruited her or else I would have gone back to visit Earth like a lot of other people did."

"Aw," Kathy smiled at the two of us and Carson started to cry.

Kathy picked him up and changed him as Zalenka and I started making out behind her back. She turned around and instantly we broke apart and started laughing when she looked at us suspiciously.

"So you still didn't answer my question."

"Which was?" Zalenka looked at me.

I looked away from him; I didn't really feel comfortable talking about someone else in that way in front of Zalenka. "She wanted to know about me and Carson and how we met."

"I'm kinda curious about that, too." Zalenka squeezed my hand to let me know he was sort of joking.

I took a deep breath and started. "Well, Carson was actually on the Daedalus when I first found out about this whole new world out there and was one of the people who briefed me on the situation in Pegasus. He'd been there from the beginning and he was the one they chose to help ease me into the culture shock. After a few months, we'd ended up working together on some new drug that I'd found off world that no one else really thought would be useful, but I took it to Carson and he asked if I'd help him out on it and I said I'd loved to. One field that I regretted not getting into was the medical field and that was my opportunity to get involved.

I shadowed him as a nurse when we weren't researching and running trials and he said I was more promising than some other students he'd taught and I learned all I could from him in all the different situations we'd gone through together off world and on. One day, an IOA agent came and told all of us that weren't that high up about Atlantis and all that they had discovered and that they needed all of us to switch focus onto the Ancient technology that we would be getting back from the Daedalus and I was to head up the research. Daniel Jackson actually helped us out a lot and he taught me how to read ancient and even some Goa'uld when we had free time.

I guess I probably spent a lot more time with Daniel than I thought because people started saying that we were involved and Carson went crazy jealous. It was kind of flattering. Right in front of Daniel, he charged into my lab and stood tall and asked if I wanted to go to dinner with him that night. It was so cheesy and so endearing at the same time. I accepted and since then we were inseparable even though our research was in two very different fields, we shared a lab that was next to the infirmary."

I wanted to continue my story but I was uncomfortable talking about Carson in front of Radek.

He noticed this and kissed me goodbye. As soon as the door was closed, Kathy leaned in closer and said, "Now for the good stuff."

I smiled.


End file.
